Why Naysayers Suck More Than Haters
Whenever you try to level up in life, you get naysayers and haters. It's completely inevitable. In fact, I have a little saying I trot out from time to time:
Haters are the litmus test of awesome
It's true. So are naysayers. The moment that you start to state what you actually feel, people get uppity. The reason for this depends on whether they are haters or naysayers. Typically, haters are people who don't know you well or who see you as a competitor to be crushed. Naysayers are people you love, who won't jump on board with your vision.
Haters are the litmus test of awesome because most of them are hating on you to get the attention on them. They jump up and down when they see you succeed because they're jealous. Technically, they're actually envious, but it feels like jealousy.
The way jealousy is different from envy is that envy is about wanting something someone else has, whereas jealousy is about being scared someone will take, or is taking, something you have. Haters assume ownership of YOUR success. So, it's jealousy. However, it's fake jealousy. They typically don't actually have your success at all, they've just imagined what it would be like to have it. So, when you manifest 'their' dream, they hate on you for 'stealing' what they perceive as theirs. It isn't theirs. They didn't achieve it. You did.
The truth is that they're envious. They want to be you. As the meme goes: they hate you coz they ain't you. That's a compliment. They're actually not hating on you at all. They're loving on you. They love you so much they want to BE you. You just won't hear them admit to this, because they're all wrapped up in ego and needlecord and coincidence. OK... maybe not the last two. I just remembered an old song lyric. Point is... when people hate on you, take it as a compliment.
Naysayers, however, are the people you love. When they tell you that you can't do whatever it is you aspire to do it hurts on a deep level. They're not actually hating on you. They MAY be jealous though. They 'have' you as the version of you that they are used to. If you change (which you will if you grow) they lose that version of you. They may be envious. They know how tall you are in terms of their personal forest of trees. If you suddenly go zipping skywards, you'll leave them behind.
They could choose to grow too, but that would take effort. It's easier to warn you away from growing. They're scared for you, because they love you, and they're scared for themselves, because they don't want to lose you. They also don't want you to become a different size of landmark in their life.
Feel The Loss, and Do It Anyway
The sad truth is that some of your naysayers will leave your life because of this. For instance, I'm an INFP (sometimes J. Occasionally EN, because ambivert, but usually INFP). I'm not a big fan of putting people in types, because personalities can change over time and I hate to box people in, but I know everyone else loves these categories, so I'll play. Basically, INFPs are the 'Luna Lovegoods' of personality types. Also, Shakespeare was one, which RAWWWWKS so hard because he was The Bard and I'm The Bardess. Anyway, back to the story. We're the kinds of people who are idealistic visionaries, with weird, quirky brains and forgiving natures. We see beyond the surface of things and into people's hidden depths. All that good stuff. However... we seek constant evolution and improvement. So, if you're around an INFP for too long and you're not up for getting your shit together, it's not a pleasant experience.
I keep going no matter what. If I have a vision, I'll keep seeking the fulfilment of that vision if it means denying myself luxuries, or even going without food or other basic human necessities. I'm not even kidding. I have stories. The point is, I keep going UNTIL. Although, the paths may change if I have to pivot, the destination pulls me until I've arrived. That's how I was able to spend the best part of 10 years in my childhood repairing my brain after a car crash, while doctors told me it was impossible. Once I have a destination in my mind, I'll reach it. Most people are not like that. They can't do that. There's a point at which the idealism or vision or whatever just isn't worth it to them.
On multiple occasions, friendships and other relationships have failed because of this. That might happen to you too. Whatever your personality type, the chances are that there's part of you that is a visionary or a rebel or an activist or a weird artist with an incurable drive to arrive. That rhymed. Guess I'm a poet. Oh yeah. I am. Published. Multiples times. Lol. I forget sometimes. If you have that within you, you'll lose some people. They just can't stick with it for the journey. You need to be OK with that.
It's not their dream, so they don't have to see it. The people who really value you will come around eventually, but you may have to let them go for part of the journey. Typically, family and friends don't applaud your efforts. They applaud your accomplishments.
Les Brown's twin was, and is, his harshest critic, but he loves him anyway. Love them anyway. They don't need to be your cheerleaders. You've got me. You've got people on social media. You've got your team or upline or whomever. Let your fam just be fam.
Speak With Conviction
Seek self-mastery rather than mastery over others. Seek to be the author of your destiny, and own that authority of the self. "Don't just question authority... speak with it too."
I posted this on an old blog of mine, that Google gave an award, back in 2010. It still stands. Watch... and listen. Then... SPEAK!
Rebecca
P.S. Want help with this? Hit me up for a free coaching sesh here.
Learn The Emotion Control System For Young Men That You Can Use in 5 Mins A Day To Stay Calm and Focused.
FREE Training!
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.
