Kindness isn't a big news story. It should be. It is becoming a rare resource. People mistake kindness for weakness, assuming that kind people are easy-going people-pleasers. But that is not the case.
- Kind and nice are not the same thing.
Being nice means that you agree with people, don't do anything to rock the boat, and are over-fond of 'hashtag blessed' and 'hashtag positivevibesonly'. Nice people are scared to be different. They are scared of conflict. They become wallpaper. This can come from trauma. If you recognise this about yourself, get some coaching or therapy, before you become co-dependent. You need to move from nice to kind. - Kind people won't cheerlead you from the bank as you drown.
\Nice people are enablers. They just want you to be happy. That's selfish. They want you to be happy, so they'll be happy. See how NOT kind that is? Kind people want what's best for you, whether the truth makes you happy or not. They may put the truth to you in a kind way, but they'll know that working through your issues will be uncomfortable, and maybe even painful. However, they know it would be UNKIND to stand on the bank and watch you drown, without throwing you a rope. - Nice people drown with you. Kind people help you save yourself.
When cheerleading doesn't work for you, a nice person will either 'positivevibesonly' freeze you out, because vibes, or they'll jump into the water and drown with you, because 'solidarity'. A kind person will resolutely refuse to jump into the water. They'll plant their feet on the bank, throw you a rope, and wait until you grab it. Then they'll pull you to shore, while telling you to kick your legs. They can't and won't do everything for you.
If you think back on friendships and relationships in your life, when you've not been at your best, are there times when you walked away from people because they weren't nice to you while you behaved badly? Do you see now why they would only have been enabling you if they had been nice to you while you drowned?
Have you chosen to be 'cruel to be kind' in the past? Did it hurt?
Setting boundaries isn't cruel. It's kind. It's not just kind to yourself, but to whomever you love. Shields are not weapons, and kindness isn't about being easy-going.
"Have a nice day" is an insult. It stands between you and your karma. Have the day you deserve. ๐
Rebecca
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